Oh Look, It's Started Snowing
by Astrid M. Blackcoat
Summary: A story set post book five. Yet another mockery piece. Sorry. Mocks many het Harry ‘ships and, of course, HarryDraco. Feel free to object- I know I do- but review it!


Oh Look, It's Started Snowing

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A story set post book five. Yet another mockery piece. Sorry. Mocks many het Harry 'ships and, of course, Harry/Draco. Feel free to object- I know I do- but review it!

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Ginny Weasley sat in the Common Room, reading. Harry came in through the portrait hole at a blind run, fell over a chair, stood up, brushed himself off, and sat down.

'Ginny?'

'Yes, Harry?'

'We need to go talk to Hagrid. If we don't do something soon, I'll end up with you as another platonic female friend who lusts after another friend of mine, just like Hermione. We were considering breaking Ron's heart by having her think about what it would be like dating me over the holidays and falling in love with me because of Rita Skeeter, but we played the big 'angst' card in the fifth book, so that fell through. My thing with Cho went NOWHERE, Luna's just too, too dippy for me, and Lavender and Parvati fancy Seamus and Dean. Plus, you've got the appeal of being my best friend's little sister, so you're the best option.'

'You don't think my unresolved sexual tension will affect our relationship, because I'm torn between a predictable, steady relationship with the good, brave, decent Harry Potter and a torrid and overtly lusty affair with the dangerous, mysterious, untrustworthy Draco Malfoy? The classic struggle of good or bad?'

'No, that adds a deeper angst dimension to my character when you finally choose him over me in the scene before we face Voldemort. That's really what we're after, so in the next book we can be really uncomfortable around each other until I realise I'm bisexual mid second term.'

'Oh, right. Well, first we have to be in a tense situation where it's just you and I, alone, unable to leave.'

'Ummmmm...' Harry thought. Because he's fundamentally stupid, this took quite some time. 'I know! The old 'caught in Hagrid's hut in a snowstorm' plot device!'

'Perfect!' cried Ginny, clapping her hands. 'Let's go get our brooms and pretend to go to a Quidditch practice session as an excuse to be near Hagrid's!' The two of them went upstairs.

Through the magic that is literature we find them standing outside Hagrid's hut. 'Wow, that was fast!' said Ginny.

'You get used to it.'

'Let's go inside pretending we're after a cup of tea,' said Ginny, knocking on the door. Hagrid answered, and when he saw whom it was, his beetle-black eyes crinkled into a smile. 

'Hullo. Yeh must have used the book magic ter get here so fast.' The two students nodded. 'Come in and have a cuppa, it's freezin'.'

'Love to,' said Ginny, laughing. They left their broomsticks outside and went in.

'So,' said Hagrid, pouring tea into three mugs. 'What brings you two out o' bed at this hour on a Sunday mornin'?'

'We came to see if it would be alright if you, for some reason, could be mysteriously needed back at the castle.'

Hagrid's thick brows knitted. 'What for?'

'So we can wait here and before you can get back a massive snowstorm can begin, so we can't get back and have to stay here and end up having a deep, meaningful conversation about how shit our peachy lives are, to form a basis for our solid, healthy relationship,' said Ginny, glancing at Harry. 'D'you mind?'

'Not at all,' Hagrid said. 'That's fine. I'm no one to stand in the way of a good plot device. What's this author up ter, anyway? I'd like ter have a word with 'em. Just ter make sure I'm not going to end up having a relationship with anyone… odd.'

'Don't worry,' said Harry. 'This one's all about me, Ginny, and mocking Harry Potter 'ship fanfic in general.'

'Yeh, I suppose. Isn't she insinuatin' stuff about yer sexual preference?'

'True, but I could have done **graphic** stuff with Harry and Draco. I'm merely stating that They're going to have a nice wholesome relationship until mid sixth year when they both realise they're in love with Draco as well, and he realises he's in love with both of them, so we end up with a confusing and angsty menage a trois,' said a voice. All three of them turned to see a girl, dressed in Muggle clothes. She had red hair and blue eyes, wearing glasses, and was somewhat tall and broad shouldered.

'Who are you?' asked Harry.

'I'm the author, Astrid. I wrote this sick little story based on my own perverted fantasies of utter silliness at Hogwarts. HERMIONE!'

Suddenly, Hermione burst in, panting. 'Sorry,' she said, 'but I suddenly had to be here to assist the plot. Who is she?'

'Oh, I'm your author at the moment. I'm just trying to set up Harry and Ginny's relationship at the moment.'

'Yeah!' said Harry crossly. 'Er, could you guys all have things to do in the castle, leaving me and Ginny alone so we can make out and secure a basis for our wholesome relationship which leads on to our disturbing and fundamentally wrong relationship with Draco next year?'

'Oh. Right. Sorry,' said Hagrid. 'Damn! Just remembered I have to see the headmaster about my new position as official Mentor To Troubled Celebrities With No Father Figure.'

'I have to go see Professor McGonagall about those Working Yourself Stupid classes she's giving,' said Hermione. 'Hagrid, let's get out of here before we start drowning in angst.' They went out the door.

'I'll just leave and get back to writing REAL stories, with my own characters,' said Astrid, and she disappeared. 

Ginny looked at Harry, then out the window. 'Oh,' she said. 'It's started snowing.'

END


End file.
